Home & Garden Columns

Dash it all! It seems to take so blasted long to get clothed for the office these days, what with button-hooking the boots, those darned gaiters, buttoning those trousers all the way up and then there’s all the layers. My tailoring bill has become absolutely astronomical and my dresser takes a good 45-minutes ironing my shirt, cravat and those endless four-fold handkerchiefs. Perhaps one day, a man will be able to wear only three layers when flagging his Hansom cab to the office, but for now we must plod through, chin high and suffer silently. 

If your chimney could speak, it would say something to this effect and well it should. It’s positively Victorian, you know. 

Brick chimneys are truly a thing of the distant past and have about as much to do with modern living as watch fobs and snuff. Not that I have much against Victorian things. I actually adore them but there are more serious issues afoot than antiquation. Brick chimneys are singularly illogical and ill-fit for the building and habitation of houses and it’s time we put them away, especially if you live near an active fault-line. 

Brick chimneys are like built-in vacuum systems, no more or less romantic than that. They are built-in devices designed to serve a specific function in the home. They are exactly as automatic, efficient and seismically safe as was possible at the time they began insinuating themselves into the fabric of housing so many hundreds of years ago. 

Open fires were the state of the art up until about 200 years ago when a range of alterative heating methods began to come on the scene. Our own Ben Franklin (patron saint of building inspection) invented a class of heating and cooking devices know by his name and this is just one of many inventors who began the process of leading us away from the brick hearth. Nevertheless, the hearth lived on well into the 20th century, changing only to save builders money as it began changing into the sheet metal, poured cement and a range of other novel materials. 

They remained because of our attraction to fire. We still long to dance around the bonfire in the village center or cozy up beside the hearth with someone special (Good dog! Now, Stay). Fire is in our hearts and, as we face the dark time again this winter, it gives us something that only cold weather and long nights can, something deep in the bones that forced air heating can not address. 

So, to be clear, I do not oppose fire. I love it. We all love fire but I would suggest that the days of this particularly cumbersome, expensive and dangerous accoutrement of architecture are done and it is time to move on. I even believe this to be true for older homes (with some few notable exceptions). 

Clearly, fire itself is dangerous and if we are to have fires, they should be contained in a way that minimizes the dangers. Carbon monoxide is a product of fire, however, this concern can be addressed readily enough by the mass use of CO detectors. Every living space should have one. ‘Nuff said. 

Next is the danger that a house will catch fire while using one. Brick fireplaces can become internally cracked in such a way as to allow fire to contact wood framing and inflame the house. While regular and diligently performed inspections can prevent this occurrence, they simply don’t get done. I am not in favor of any system that is based on a) individual responsibility (and memory) for maintenance to prevent fire and death or b) a high level of ability for every service person.  

Frankly, I’m not that worried about the chimney repair personnel. They generally seem an able lot. It’s the owners I’m concerned about. Very few get their chimneys examined or cleaned on a regular basis and a serious accumulation of creosote (a tar-like build-up) can cause a chimney fire and a crack in the wrong place can burn the house down.  

Another concern is the welfare of the environment. Chimneys put out significant levels of particulate emissions and add to air pollution. The particles are quite small and contribute to lung cancer and other respiratory illnesses. As a result, modern requirements for fireplaces are extremely stringent compared with our Victorian era fireplaces and nothing of that sort can be built today in most communities. 

Lastly, there’s that nasty matter of earthquakes. As I’m far too prone to report, we have had no earthquake in any of our lives that is nearly as large as the one that occurred in 1868 on the Hayward fault in the East Bay and this is a likely match for the one we’re waiting on; 4.0 earthquakes (the ones we get from time to time) are roughly 1/30,000th the size of the one we’re waiting on; 7.0 earthquakes take chimneys down. New ones, old ones and anything that looks like one (e.g. That old brick flue that’s running up the wall between the kitchen and dining room). When we get our earthquake, it is likely to take virtually all of them down, no matter how well they’re built. 

For this reason, I recommend that the ones that are inside the house, as opposed to those that run up the exterior, be taken down or reduced in height so as to decrease the degree of harm they pose during that big quake. 

Modern equivalents for fire often seem sorry when compared to the beauty of our old fireplaces and I would turn back on myself and stand in defense of at least a few of the really spectacular ones regardless of the earthquake issues. If you have Clinker brick (the ones that appear melted and odd shaped, often projecting out of the wall plane), it might be worth the risk to keep them and enjoy them as long as possible.  

If you’re willing to spend the money, Clinker or any old brick can be reinstalled over a ductile false-work and withstand fairly large earthquakes although it’s hard to recommend such efforts for all but the most historically or aesthetically profound examples. Like our chap in his 7 piece suit, it’s essential that we keep a few museum examples (as well as a few Gossford Parks) but move on to more practical means of heating and communion for the rest. 

As to that communion. I do think that fire belongs in the home, but how do we do it. In a time when global temperature and CO2 levels continue to rise, it’s not reasonable to be cutting down trees and burning them without some small consideration for the particulate and gases released. Pellet stoves and inserts are far more conservative and create a nice, albeit tiny fire. Gas fireplaces certainly lack the verve and magic of a roaring open fire but do provide a safe and convenient equivalent that one might actually use many more days each year. Further, these same gas fire places can utilize room thermostats and function as real heating for small houses or apartments. Wood burning inserts for stoves have catalytic converters today (not unlike the ones in cars) that reduce particulate and burn a small supply of wood for a longer time, thus decreasing their eco-unfriendliness. 

Even the wood burning fireplaces of today (often called zero-clearance for their ability to install right against wooden framing) are a somewhat more efficient and a better choice than great-grandmother brick. 

I like this move toward backyard fires that I’ve seen lately. Chimineas and fire pits seem to be growing in popularity today and it’s awfully nice to sit about a noisy, dancing fire with a gang of friends sharing the tales of the week.  

I say we start taking them out in the street and bring out the drums. Wait, I think I still have that loin cloth! (Good thing it’ll be dark. This is something you don’t want to see!)