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On April 25, 2016, President Barack Obama announced that he would be dispatching 250 additional special operations troops to Syria—a six-fold increase in the US Special Forces on the ground inside Syria. When White House reporters asked State Department spokesperson John Kirby if this wasn't a breach of the president's promise not to put "boots on the ground" in the Middle East, Kirby denied that Obama had ever taken the "no boots" pledge.

"There was never this 'no boots on the ground,'" said Kirby. "I don't know where this keeps coming from."

Reporters were quick to remind Kirby that Obama had made the promise at least 16 times since 2013. Three examples:

August 30, 2013: "We're not considering any boots-on-the-ground approach."

September 10, 2013: "I will not put American boots on the ground in Syria."

September 7, 2014: "In Syria, the boots on the ground have to be Syrian." 

It was not Kirby's best day, as the following video clip demonstrates. 

Caught red-handed—and red-faced—, Kirby tried to have it both ways. 

"When we talk about boots on the ground," he pivoted, this only refers to "conventional, large-scale ground troops," not to soldiers who are merely serving in an "advise and assist" role. "I'm not disputing the fact that we have troops on the ground, and they're wearing boots." 

The White House insists that the 4,000 US troops currently in Iraq "do not have a combat mission." So, when two of these soldiers were killed—one during an ISIS raid and another from a rocket attack—the White House did not call these "combat" deaths: they were, instead, attributed to "enemy actions." 

This distinction did not sit well with many veterans. 

"It is a grossly silly assertion that American men and women who are participating in the killing and dying in Iraq and Syria, whether it be directly or indirectly, do not count as boots on the ground," Matthew Hoh, a former Marine "https://theintercept.com/2016/04/29/as-more-american-boots-hit-the-ground-in-syria-u-s-parses-boots-and-ground/">told The Intercept 

This highly politicized parsing-of-terms will only intensify given that Pentagon officials have revealed the US has engaged in "high-level" talks with Iraqi leaders to send "hundreds of additional troops" to the country. 

So how does the president avoid the charge that he's broken his "no boots on the ground" promise? Here are a few suggestions that could make life easier for State Department stand-ins like John Kirby. 

When the troops arrive, just make sure they won't be wearing military-issued "combat" boots. Perhaps our "non-combat" troops could be issued some kind of alternative footwear—like iron-plated sandals or up-armored crocs. 

Or, to really instill fear in the hearts of the enemy, perhaps future deployments of US troops could charge into battle bare-footed. A less rigorous option? Reinforced Kevlar socks. 

Clearly, the president needs some help to honor his boots-free vow (while reserving the right to send US troops to attack an "enemy" that poses an "existential threat" to us—6,000 miles from America's borders). 

Herewith, a short list of possible "non-combat boots"—Obamawear, if you will, for the well-heeled soldier: 

Waders: Perfect if we are going to plunge into another military quagmire. 

Clogs: If we're prepared to get inextricably stuck in another endless war. 

Sneakers: For those dicey, behind-the-lines Delta Force missions. 

Slippers: For negotiating those "slippery slopes" that lead to bigger wars. 

Elevator shoes: Suitable for missions that involve escalating the conflict. 

Galoshes: For the Navy's Seal Team Six. (Option footwear choice: scuba fins.) 

Pumps: (Now that women have been cleared for combat.) Suitable for missions that involve seizing foreign oil fields. 

Saddle shoes: Because we'll be saddled with the burden of another endless war. 

And for the Iraqi forces we've spent millions to train and equip (and who have a history of dropping their weapons and fleeing), the shoe of choice could be Loafers. 

Finally, we can send the president a message by mailing gift boxes to the Oval Office. The perfect present for a president who breaks his promises? Flip-flops. 

In the meantime, I suspect most Americans are growing weary of the Pentagon's needless, heedless, endless, winless conflicts and would be ready to simply say: "War is a croc: give it the boot."