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With her Cody’s bag clutched to her Armani suit, 44 year old Buffy McNoodles doesn’t look like a threat to Telegraph’s streetlife, yet three decades of local Berkeley coverage prove she is. 

“Once her ‘perceptions’ of danger go into print via the Telegraph Avenue Association (TAA), we end up in jail whether we violate the law or not,” explained one homeless youth named Nameless. 

“The latest arrest figures show police have upped enforcement. Of the 466 arrests made on Telegraph this year, 87 were made in the past two weeks. Thirty-four of those arrests were for trespassing.’(Daily Planet, Sept. 5-8.) 

Some homeless youth stated that they were trying to co-exist with the shoppers, but found their attire offensive, their language objectionable, and their customs baffling. 

“Her SUV’s emissions and her profligate consumerism are a burden on the earth, no question about that,” commented Nameless. “But her most dangerous attribute is her lack of compassion. Coupled with the opportunism of the TAA, it puts those of us with the least resources in grave danger.”