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About the same time my memoir came out, Gene Simmons of the legendary glam-rock band Kiss published “Kiss and Make-Up,” his official biography. We share the same publishing house and the same New York publicist even though our life stories are astronomically different. 

Gene Simmons was born in Israel and grew up in Brooklyn without enough toilet paper. His family was dirt poor. Now he is 55 years old, a husband, a father, a multi-millionaire, a semi-retired bona fide rock star. And he claims to have slept with 4,600 women! 

For the past year, ever since our books were published simultaneously, I have been trying to calculate how many trysts he has had per day.  

In some ways it is kind of thrilling to share something in common with Gene Simmons (book publication dates, not sleeping arrangements). But in other ways it is extremely disappointing.  

Our mutual publicist at Crown has a floor-to-ceiling poster of Gene Simmons in his cubicle. But he doesn’t have a single picture of me tacked to his walls and as far as I know there’s not even a photograph of moi hidden among the stacks of papers upon his desk. 

Shortly after I read Gene Simmons memoir, I called “our” publicist.  

“That Gene Simmons is quite a guy,” I said, trying to make my voice sound casual. 

“Yes,” answered the publicist. “He’s a real businessman and superstar.” 

“Four thousand women they say.” 

“Four thousand six hundred,” he corrected. 

“How is that possible?” I asked. 

“Well,” he said. “You know those rock stars. They get around.” 

“Yes,” I said. “I suppose they do.” 

He quickly changed the subject. “By the way, Suzy, there are a few things I want to clarify with you.” 

“Do you want to know how many men I’ve slept with?” 

“Good god, no,” he said. “I want to know how many people you think you can draw to a New York event.” 

“Not as many as Mr. Simmons, I’m afraid.” 

“Of course not. But realistically, how many do you think will come to a reading of yours in New York City?” 

I silently did a few calculations in my head. I knew about eight people in Manhattan, four in Brooklyn, one in Scarsdale and three in Jersey City. 

“Fifty,” I said with as much confidence as I could muster. 

There was silence on the other end of the phone. 

“No, probably 75,” I stammered. “At least 75. I’m sure.” 

I thought I heard a sigh. 

“Listen, I’m no Gene Simmons. I mean, I know he slept with Diana Ross and Cher and he’s friends with all his ex-lovers, but I’ve got some friends too. I really do.”  

“Okay,” he said. “I’m just trying to get an idea of what we can expect and what kind of venue we should look for.” 

“Probably not Madison Square Garden,” I said hoping to be helpful. “Maybe a little bookstore somewhere. A really little book store,” I added. 

“All right,” he said quickly. “I’ve got a call coming in. I’ll get back to you.” 

I heard the other end of the line go dead. I went to my bookshelf and pulled out “Kiss and Make-Up.” But I couldn’t concentrate. I’m 51 years old. If I sleep with one new person a day, everyday for the next 13 years, I will have Gene Simmons’ record beat. If I sleep with at least two people per week for the next 38 years I will be 89 years old and I will still be ahead of Mr. Simmons. 

Maybe if I put on a slick stretchy jumpsuit, spread on some black and white face paint, stick out my tongue, breathe fire, spit blood and make a lot of noise I can get more than 40 people to a book signing. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can get 55. 

Gene Simmons’ newest book, “Sex Money Kiss” is available in hardback from New Millenium Press (264 pages; $25.05). “Kiss and Make-Up” is available in paperback from Three Rivers Press (304 pagers; $14).