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Thanks to the Reed family and the Daily Planet for the willingness to publicly address bullying in our schools. I too have navigated the institutional and family requirements to educate, keep healthy and resilient a student harmed by bullying and violence. For those students who have the unfortunate experience of persistent and pervasive harassment and abuse their childhood is quite different than others. Many students will encounter taunting and harassment in school, and may become wiser and stronger from the experience, but for many others the reality is disturbing and the problem and solutions are not completely in their control. Aggression in our schools is a constant; dismissing or pretending otherwise interferes with taking the right actions. Blaming the victim is a device of the ignorant. 

Because of my experiences my peers asked me to serve as PTA Council Parent Advocate. I have the honor and burden of assisting parents who have become desperate in their efforts to keep their kids safe. This past month three families contacted me, this is often the time of year when the kids can’t take it any more, the truth and pain come to the surface, and parents are frustrated. The parents who find me are coping with a degree of injury to their children and a wall of institutional dysfunction that is a nightmare. Bullying is a social dynamic, which means in any classroom, school, or family the situation will manifest differently. 

For many years committed parents have persisted together and contributed relevant resources as well as remedies specific to our local school system. I accept how overwhelmed the staff is and how difficult public education can be, however there are many missing safeguards which would improve the situation. I recognize that some preliminary and meaningful steps have been initiated, and I know it was collective parent pressure that produced district action. As overwhelmed as the staff is, families coping with these issues are equally overwhelmed. I say this in the hope that our school community can overcome the inherent “staff versus parents “ dynamic and the destructiveness it creates. Seven years ago school board members told me I was “wasting my time and banging my head against a wall” when I drafted reforms as opposed to a lawsuit. 

A few important facts: 

• The education code does allow for a student to defend himself or herself and not be suspended. 

• Parents and guardians can use a Uniform Complaint Process to formalize a complaint regarding a staff member, school practice or program. Forms and an explanation of the process can be found in the BUSD parent/student handbook, (This handbook was the result of PTA Council advocacy) 

• Bullying is primarily a power play, hence conflict resolution and peer mediation offer little help, in fact insisting the child participate often empowers the bully to continue. 

• Adults working in our schools are capable of behaving like bullies themselves. 

• Every school needs a functioning safety committee. 

• Well-established reporting practices and school procedures will reduce harassment and violence. 

• School safety monitors should be certified in first aid before being hired. 

• Education is lost when a student is a target of bullying. 

• The effect on the targeted child becomes a health issue.  

The responsibility to create resiliency in the life of a child is on the shoulders of the parents. When the school community fail to support the parents, we are further burdened and worn down. We are the most important adults in a child’s life. Listen to us, try to not judge us or dismiss us because we have to confront a problem that reflects negatively on the school. 

Laura Menard is PTA Council Parent Advocate and the parent of two Berkeley public school students. ›