Pundit Reveals Polling Secrets

By PETER SOLOMON Eminence Grise
Friday July 23, 2004

In a rare and exclusive interview, Mark Chain, a leading analyst for the Penultimate Pundits Poll, spoke with our correspondent about what to look for in the coming election season. 

Daily Planet: Well, it’s presidential election time once again. This must be a very busy time for you. 

Mark Chain: That’s a very interesting question. 

DP: Thank you. 

MC: You’re welcome. 

DP: Perhaps you could tell us some of the things you’ll be paying attention to this year. There’s a lot of talk about swing voters. 

MC: Yes, we look at the swing voters. But at PPP we go further—we look at the slide and teeter-totter voters as well. 

DP: And what do you see there? 

MC: Our preliminary work suggests that the left is moving to the right and the right is moving to the left at this time.  

DP: In other words, both are moving toward the center? 

MC: You could say that. 

DP: But what will happen to the center? 

MC: The center is moving to the suburbs, where there is no need to vote. 

DP: What about new trends? Any findings from the last presidential go-round that might be useful? 

MC: That’s a good question. 

DP: Thank you. Will you answer it? 

MC: You’re welcome. Yes, I will answer : With computer-aided stochastic regresssions and planar point fibulation, our analysis of the 2000 voting revealed one striking correlation: a presidential candidate is highly likely to win a state in which the governor has the same last name as the candidate. 

DP: Could you give us an example? 

MC: I’m afraid that’s proprietary information. Unless you’re interested in subscribing to our service? 

DP: I don’t think so. 

MC: Only $2,000 a month in your category, and that includes a polling result of your choice. 

DP: No, thank you. 

MC: You’re welcome.  

DP: In the minute or so we have left, I wonder if you would talk about the so-called hyphenated voter: African-Americans, for example, or new citizens from Southeast Asia. 

MC: I could, but you probably wouldn’t understand. As we say around the office, “hyphens don’t vote, people do.” Is that clear? 

DP: That’s a very good question. 

MC: Thank you. 

DP: You’re welcome. Good bye.