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Due to a snowstorm on the East Coast, I got back a day late from New York and missed my date with the Superior Court of Solano County. 

Shortly before Christmas I learned that I’d been charged with a VC22450 Stop Requirements violation in Vallejo. Someone with my ID had been driving a Jaguar and running stop signs. I called the Superior Court in Vallejo and tried to explain my predicament, but it wasn’t easy. 

First I had to tackle the telephone system, a task that proved daunting. I was cut off several times, left on hold, ignored and forgotten. When I was finally able to get a human being on the other end, I was told I would have to appear in person to prove to the judge and the ticketing officer that I was not the woman in the Jag. After subsequent calls, a clerk in the records department took pity on me and divulged the name, phone number and e-mail address of the officer who wrote the ticket. 

“Perhaps,” she said, “he’ll believe your story.” My story was that I had been robbed of my passport, drivers license, credit cards and jewelry several weeks earlier. The person who was driving the Jag had my identity. I wish she had my other problems as well, but for the moment I needed to concentrate on getting my bail of $157 dismissed.  

I left messages for Officer Joe Smith. I sent him my photograph and explained that I drive a Dodge Caravan with a wheelchair lift. I’ve never been in a Jaguar, let alone driven one. Maybe it was the time of year that kept Officer Walker from responding. Christmas came and went and I did not hear from him. I left for the East Coast, hoping my problems would go away, but they didn’t.  

Now I was back home and still in the same pickle, with the additional mess of missing my day in court. Again, I attempted to crack the Solano County telephone tree. After several false starts, I got through to someone who said I could reschedule. The next available date was May 31. Maybe by then my impersonator would be incarcerated and I would have my life back.  

This week I received a call from Inspector Jane Jones of the SFPD Fraud Department. A woman with my ID had picked up a john and asked him to cash a check for her. Because she didn’t have a bank account, she needed help. She was generous. She’d share the loot with him if only he’d deposit it into his ATM. Of course the check was bad and she was able to run off with the money, leaving the john in debt and in trouble with his bank. 

This is what she’d done to the man who was living with us and taking care of my husband. But in addition to the banking fiasco, he had entertained her in my house while I wasn’t at home. That’s how she got my license, passport and cell phone. That’s how she became me. 

In December I’d given the Oakland Police Department information I’d received from a credit card company: a name (V. Johnson), and an Oakland address, but the police officers advised me that they couldn’t be of help. They said Ms. Johnson most likely was not her real name, and the address was probably bogus, although an American Express card in my name had been sent to that very address and activated. I thought about dropping by the address on my own but decided against it.  

I told my tale of woe to Inspector Jones. I gave him Officer Smith’s phone number and e-mail address. I gave Officer Smith Inspector Jones’s number. I didn’t bother contacting the Oakland Police because they’d made it clear they were busy with other, more important matters. And I didn’t call Ms. Johnson because the only number I have for her is my cell phone, and that’s been canceled.  

Editor’s note: The names in this column have been changed for publication.