Election Section

Humor: Mr. A and Mr. B: The Long-Lost Twins By HOMAYON

Tuesday July 05, 2005

As you may know, Iran has a new president. Mr. Ahmadi-nejhad (also known as “Darwin’s missing link”) an ultra right and fairly unknown candidate was supposedly elected to the office in a run-off election just a few days ago.  

Since then I locked myself in my apartment going over every possible reason as to how something so stupid that defies all logic could have happened? Hours ago it finally dawned on me that I have gone through this miserable yet comical experience once before. That’s right, back in the year 2000 when Mr. A’s Western twin brother George W. Bush (also known as the eighth wonder of the world) was somehow miraculously voted to the office.  

Wow, I thought to myself, as an Iranian-American I am surely blessed. I have seen first hand both the Western and the Eastern versions of what will surely be remembered as one of the greatest blunders of the mankind in modern times.  

What more could I ask of the Almighty?  

Lord only knows how these two fine specimens of the human race had not found each other earlier. After all, Mr. A ,as the mayor of Tehran over the period of last year, had whispered of building a freeway to accommodate the arrival of the Messiah (Mehdi to the Shi’a Muslims) once he re-appears and heads over to Iran, while the other poor puritanical moron, Mr. B, thinks he IS the messiah.  

Or perhaps because one attends church every Sunday while the other one goes to the mosque on Fridays?  

Or could it be that their tiny brain, matching the size of their beady evil eyes, is just not capable to comprehend that antagonizing the whole world against the greatest democracy on the face of the earth today on the one hand, and degrading a great ancient culture known to have established the first human rights proclamation 2500 years ago on the other hand, must have its limits too? 

Or could it just be that they spoke the same language and yet did not realize it? I say tomato, you say tomaato. I say radical, you say raadikaal. I say war, you say var! 

Whatever the reason it got me to notice how much these two long-lost-twins have in common: 

• They both belong to the NEO club: neo-conservatism, neo-radicalism, neo-Satanism, etc. 

• Both believe vote rigging is the true meaning of a democratic election. 

• Both take their orders from a higher authority. 

• Both sound as stupid as they look. 

• Both view the military, violence and martyrdom as the proper way of life. 

• Both love the “F” word: fascism. 

• Both came to power by the strong backing of the political and economical elite, while promising an end to poverty! 

• Both have written highly acclaimed articles entitled “how to steal the presidency” (Microsoft is in the process of negotiating with both to develop a software for that presented in all languages except English and Persian as the Americans and Iranians seem to do just fine without the software). 

• Both think the path to human advancement is achieved by the “W-Ahmadi-Rule” abbreviated as “WAR.” 

And as far as differences, well, I can only think of one: One shaves everyday before putting his tie on, the other one however, does not own a tie so he skips shaving!