Features

1. Sleep shmeep 

Forget the old “8 hours” prescription, I have always preferred 9 or 10, even 11 on a luxurious sleep-in weekend. But my little man has yet to sustain an elongated sleep pattern, so I’m still getting by on a nighttime series of catnaps, punctuated by rocking him back to sleep while sneaking a peek at late night television. (Oh, the hidden treasurers on QVC at 4 AM! 

Dishrags that absorb ten times the liquid normal ones do, magic clothes-hanging devices that take up a quarter of your closet space, supersized candy and nut-covered carmel apples...) 

2. Parenthood: Control freaks need not apply  

It is impossible to ‘control’ an overly tired baby who’s been denied access to his favorite toy du jour (the broom or a spatula?) so you can clean the spit-up off of it. 

3. I’ll be fine if I lose a limb 

I’ve been pleasantly shocked at how much I manage to get done while one arm serves as perpetual baby carrier. Making breakfast, washing dishes, folding laundry—plus a few things better left unsaid. 

4. Telecommuting is less glamorous than it sounds  

Spending the day working in your jammies sounds cozy but it’s somewhat less so when you haven’t had a shower in two days, and even less so when your work is constantly interrupted to flip the baby from his back to his tummy because he’s learned to turn over but hates it on the other side once he’s there. 

5. All weight gain is not equal 

This baby belly is way more stubborn than any prior excess calorie deposits, O God bless whoever first blended spandex with denim. 

6. Parental aspirations are a nice idea 

But they melt in the glaring daylight of reality. I fully intended to err on the side of strictness and mold an obedient little shining star, but my resolve turned to mush the first time those big brown eyes gazed into my own. 

7. Parents don’t just ditch single friends— 

the reverse is also true 

My husband and I have tried to keep in touch with our old circle, but some of our single friends seem to have lost our number. 

Granted, not everyone is a baby person, but we’re not insisting that they’ve “gotta see the baby.” We do still have brain cells that hold information unrelated to breastmilk expiration dates or Baby Einstein toys! 

8. Babysitting is a nice idea 

But tell it to our son, whose wicked stranger anxiety makes him currently unwilling to accept care from anyone outside his personal mommy-daddy entourage. 

9. That “look” stings from the other side 

My husband and I have given parents with crying and meandering offspring in public places that look of impatient disdain more than once over the years. Now we are on the receiving end—karma! 

10. They weren’t kidding about the Grinch 

It really is possible for one’s heart to grow three sizes in one day. “Every” day. Every time your mini-me reaches out for you from the crib, or flashes an endearingly toothy (or toothless) grin. 

Sonja Fitz works at a downtown business that let her bring her baby to work part-time until he started crawling under tables and finding all those removed staples people don’t bother to toss into actual garbage receptacles.