Columns
New: ON MENTAL ILLNESS: More About Aging
For many people, the twenties are a third decade of making mistakes and living with the results. We might not yet be aware that some of the things we do could have permanent and far-reaching effects on our lives for ensuing decades.
Thinking back on it, I had far more and far worse emotional and cognitive problems in my twenties. I was severely depressed much of the time, was having a great deal of difficulty with work, wanted badly to meet my soulmate, and was far less stable compared to now. I had not yet learned a number of things concerning how to survive. I also wanted badly to have a number of things that I wasn't getting. I was inadequate to face a number of the challenges that life was giving me.
The twenties are a very hard decade for a lot of young people. Someone said that the two main challenges of the twenties are work and relationships. Yet, I believe there is much more to it than that. You haven't yet learned a number of life's lessons. And, when this is compounded by having a disability, you could have a very trying time of it.
Making it through the twenties intact is a significant achievement for someone with mental illness.
My early thirties were difficult also. The main lessons were those of how to survive. I had to learn how to deal with some very difficult people, some of whom were assaultive. People in my environment "messed with" me, trying to sabotage my mind and wreck my living situations. My cognition wasn't very good. I was unwise.
By forty, I had some idea of how to survive, to manage my symptoms, to behave myself, and to deal with other human beings, some of whom aren't nice. By then, I had accepted that I can't adapt to most work situations, and wouldn't want to if I could. By then I was married to my wife Joanna, and this improved my life a thousand-fold. My discipline level was improving, and I had begun working to become a writer.
Part of what you might get, if you live long enough, is clarity of thought. Yet, it takes work and it takes practice to get good use of your mind--it doesn't come automatically. This is especially so if you suffer from psychosis, a disorder that can throw a monkey wrench into the thought processes.
At some point, I learned how to think clearly while on medication. This entails pinpointing and discarding residual delusions. It involves thinking about how to think. It involves an understanding of how my mind can fool me. And it involves access to a deeper level of awareness, which is an acquired ability that doesn't come automatically.
I have been able to accept not having many of the things I wish for. I have learned how to defend myself against bullies with nonviolent strategies. I have learned to accept and deal with ongoing hardships.
If in your twenties and miserable, please realize that life can be better when older. This is largely due to the learning curve of how to face life's challenges and crises, and it is due to having a change in attitude. You can learn from difficult situations, even if you feel you had done nothing wrong to precipitate them. It is only by experiencing the pain brought on by difficulties and mishaps that we learn to become better people.
It is widely known in psychiatry that people with schizophrenia when they get much older often get a reprieve from symptoms and do better for their remaining years. This seems applicable to both me and my older brother. So, when you get older and your body is falling apart, at least your mind starts working.
Having been stabilized for nineteen years, it is only in the past three years or so that I've had a really good level of clarity, in my own humble opinion. There are many things to look forward to and this constitutes a good reason why we ought to take care of ourselves.
***
This is just to remind you that my self-published books can be bought on Amazon. If you don't like Amazon, hard copies can also be bought directly from LULU.com.
C