Columns

SMITHEREENS: Reflections on Bits & Pieces

Gar Smith
Sunday August 22, 2021 - 12:30:00 PM

Short-term Slang

Thanks, in part, to the vexation of trying to thumb-type on Smartphones, the English language has been evolving—with longer words mutating into shorter variations that are quicker to spell. Vacations have become "vacays." A vaccination has become a "vax." Merchandise has become "merch." Credibility is now "cred." Recreation long ago became "rec" and celebrities are now "celebs." So how about fashion becoming "fash." A purchase becoming a "purch." Collaboration becoming "collab." Testimony becoming "test." And brotherhood becoming "brohood." 

Fashion Plates 

There's a marvelous old 1940s-era GMC in the North Berkeley neighborhood that sports a license plate that reads: "BOPP." There's a vehicle with the plate BS4OL79 that may be owned by a cantankerous gent who's about to become an octagenarian (That's the best guess I can make—"B-S- for old 79"?). And there's a Tesla about town that gets a round of applause for a plate that reads: PAS VERT (French for "Go Green.") But we'll have to deduct a couple of points for the clashing color choice: the PAS VERT car is red. 

A question: What do you call someone who's eco-green on the outside but self-promoting red on the inside—a watermelon? In that case, let's call it a watermELON. 

Voicemails I'm Glad I Missed 

My phone recently rang to announce a missed message. The recorded robo-voice announced: "Sorry. An application error has occurred. Goodbye." 

Anyone Who's Not God-fearing, Should Be Beaten to a Pulpit 

A friend recently alerted me to a new satirical voice in the evangeliberal chorus. In the tradition of Stephen Colbert, a pol-com talent who began his syndicated TV career masquerading as a right-wing pundit, we now have Deven Green's impersonation of a bright-eyed lady pastor from the "Landover Baptist Church: Celebrating 214 Years of Soulwinning, Rebuking, Christianizing, And Waiting Around for Jesus!" As their homepage states: these "Civilized Women of God" are "Proud To Be God's Authority on Earth!" 

I was surprised to discover that Pastor Bowers has been pontificating for at least the last 12 years. A longer stint that Colbert's and maybe longer than fellow member-of-the-cloth, The Rev. Billy Talen. Here's a sampler of Betty Bowers preening and preaching her redneck view of the Gospels. 

"An American Sunday School Lesson" with Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian 

 

Ballistic Delirium 

What do you call it when a gun owner compiles a stockpile of pistols and buckets of bullets far beyond any reasonable definition of the need for self-defense? Could we call the condition "ammophilia"? 

Or we could just stick with "certifiably paranoid." 

This is why background checks make sense. If a gun-store shopper has racked up a purchase record that includes more than a half-dozen weapons and thousands of bullets, that should be a red flag for a peace-centric police intervention. 

Without Background Checks, US Continues to Arm 41 World Dictators 

Too bad "background checks" aren't enforced on the global level. 

The US is the world's leading arms purveyor and it's not about to let anything as reasonable as background checks get in the way of profits. 

According to a government-financed study, the US is currently providing deadly weapons to 82% of the world's 50 "most oppressive governments." But let's be honest and call them what they are—dictatorships. 

Here is Washington's own list of the 41 "customers" who couldn't pass a background check: 

Afghanistan, Algeria, Angola, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Brunei, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Chad, China, Democratic Republic of Congo (Kinshasa), Republic of Congo (Brazzaville), Djibouti, Egypt, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Eswatini (formerly Swaziland), Ethiopia, Gabon, Iraq, Kazakhstan, Libya, Mauritania, Nicaragua, Oman, Qatar, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Syria, Tajikistan, Thailand, Turkey, Turkmenistan, Uganda, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, Vietnam, Yemen. 

For some reason, the list failed to include the Pentagon's top recipient of US military aid—Israel, which is seen by many as a serial human rights violator for its occupation of Palestine. 

Here's a solution. Urge your reps to sign the "Stop Arming Human Rights Abusers Act" (H.R.4718), which would prevent US weapons sales to countries that violate international human rights or humanitarian laws. 

It's a Nuclear Bomb: Grab Your Ponchos! 

Buzz Davis, a disabled activist with Veterans for Peace, is waving the flag for a new piece of legislation co-authored by California Congressmember Ro Khanna. Recalling how the Pentagon prepared him to deal with a nuclear attack, Buzz writes: 

"As a former military officer trained as an infantry officer, the only thing I could do to save my men in nuclear war was tell them to hide under their ponchos to protect themselves from being killed by flash burns. 

"If they live thru that, then we get to die by radiation sickness. It is all insane.  

"I strongly urge you to co-sponsor the bill introduced by Senator Ed Markey and Representative Ro Khanna titled the Investing in Cures Before Missiles (ICBM) Act.” (I'm not sure if "ICBM" is an acronym or an inacronym.) 

A Compelling Commentator from Colombo 

I've recently discovered a new website that may be worth a look and a listen.— Indi.ca is the handiwork of Indi Samarajiva, a Net-blogger living in Colombo, Sri Lanka. 

Indi is an extremely prolific writer (covering a range of nearly 100 topic areas ranging from cultural, to political, to personal) who also finds time to produce gripping video commentaries brimming with insight, reflection, discontent and passion. 

Here are two samples. (Caution: Indi gets a bit heated in his discussion of White Privilege and his analysis is peppered with some heart-felt obscenities.) 

We Need To Overthrow The West

 

What White Privilege Steals From Us